A Simple Question That Makes You a Better Leader
The Copywriter Column #198
A team member walks into your office, clearly frustrated. Maybe it's a client who keeps changing directions or a creative block that won't budge. Either way, your instinct? Jump straight into problem-solving mode.
But here's what I've learned in 20 years of leading teams of all kinds: Sometimes solving the problem isn't actually helping.
Instead of reacting to my whims, I’ve started approaching these conversations with a simple question in mind that's transformed how I lead: "How would you like me to help?"
Three Ways to Help (And Why It Matters Which One You Choose)
In my experience, when someone brings you a problem, they're usually looking for one of three things.
They want you to:
Solve it for them
Solve it with them
Just listen
Seems too easy, right? But here's the thing – if you’re like me, you default to the first option. You jump in, take over, and do your best to "fix" things.
And while this might get the immediate problem solved, it's often not what your team member actually needs. So, let's break down each approach and talk about when to use it.
Approach #1: "Let me solve this for you"
Sometimes, people genuinely need you to take the wheel. This works best when:
There's a true emergency (like a client running off the rails)
The problem requires authority only you have (like process changes)
It's a technical or knowledge-based issue beyond their current ability
For example, if your team members comes to you because an ad account got suspended, that's probably something you need to handle directly. The same goes for time-sensitive client escalations or critical changes in processes or policies.
But here's the schtick: If this becomes your default response, you're not leading – you're just doing. Long term, your team doesn't grow, and you become a bottleneck for every problem.
Approach #2: "Let's solve this together"
This is where the magic of true leadership happens. When you solve problems collaboratively, you're not just fixing an issue – you're building true capability.
This approach works best for:
Teaching moments where you can share your expertise
Complex problems that benefit from multiple perspectives
Building new processes or approaches
Assume you have a teammate come to you struggling with a campaign that isn’t hitting its engagement targets.
Instead of telling them what to change, sit down and analyze the data together. Look at past successful campaigns, identify patterns, and brainstorm new approaches in light of what you learn.
Sure, it’ll take longer than if you just told them what to do. But now they not only know how to fix what’s gone awry, they can analyze and improve future campaigns too (without your help).
Approach #3: "I'm here to listen"
This might be the most underused leadership tool in our arsenal. Sometimes, people don't actually want a solution – they just need a safe place to process.
Let’s say one of your best copywriters comes to you frustrated about a client who keeps changing a project’s details. Your first instinct may be to jump in with solutions. But instead, you decide to ask how they would like you to help.
"I just need to vent," they say. "I know how to handle it, but it's driving me crazy."
So you listen. You ask questions. You empathize. And by the end of your conversation, they’ve talked themselves into a solution that was better than anything you could have suggested.
This approach is particularly powerful when dealing with:
Creative blocks
Team dynamics
Personal frustrations
Career concerns
To be perfectly honest, this is my favorite approach. It’s not because I’m just sitting there and listening. It’s because that moment you see the “lightbulb” go off in their brain? There’s nothing quite like it.
Why This Matters (Beyond Just Being Nice)
This isn't just about being a more empathetic leader – it's really about building a stronger, more capable team. When you mindlessly solve every problem, you:
Create dependency
Miss teaching opportunities
Risk burning yourself out
Stifle your team's growth
But when you consciously choose how to help, you:
Build problem-solving capabilities
Increase confidence
Create psychological safety
Develop future leaders
Beyond the Workplace
Interestingly, this approach works just as well at home or in your personal relationships. Whether it's your partner venting about their day or a friend dealing with a challenge, asking "How would you like me to help?" creates space for more meaningful support.
The same principles apply: Sometimes they want solutions, sometimes they want collaboration, and sometimes they just need you to listen.
Pro tip: Husbands, your wife wants you to listen more than she wants you to try to “fix” things ;)
Final Thoughts
You don't need to revolutionize your leadership style overnight. Just start with one conversation.
The next time someone brings you a problem, resist the urge to jump straight into solution mode. Instead, simply ask: "How would you like me to help?"
Then actually listen to the answer.
You might be surprised how often what they need isn't what you would have assumed. And in that gap between assumption and reality lies the opportunity to become a truly exceptional leader.
📚 Further Reading:
If you want a good book to help guide you toward better conversations with your team, The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier is an excellent read. Get it here.*
💬 What's your experience with this?
Have you tried different approaches to supporting your team? Share your thoughts in the comments below.
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